


Rise in perfect light

by zipadeea



Series: At last I see the light [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, DONT READ UNTIL YOU FINISH VOLTRON, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 08 Spoilers, Why Did I Write This?, i'm not into it but i had to write my feelings, why did voltron do this to us?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 17:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17006091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zipadeea/pseuds/zipadeea
Summary: "Or maybe she didn’t even exist in the first place. Maybe Princess Allura of Altea was just the best of dreams, too good, too perfect and ethereal for the universe she inhabited. Too much for this reality to encompass.Lance’s knees give out again at that thought, and he falls gracelessly into the pilot’s chair.The seat is still warm. Lance takes a deep, shuddering breath through his nose, and all he smells is juniberries.Then he finally sobs."





	Rise in perfect light

**Author's Note:**

> Guys I literally just finished season 8, so SPOILERS and....man, I just really didn’t like it. Sad the show is over, I guess, but I really feel like season 7 honestly would’ve been a better place to stop. The season had some good moments (Day 47, Clear Day, Hunk and Keith stuck on knock-off It’s a small world, Pidge’s badass no-nonsense mother), but the best part of the show to me has always been the characters and their relationships, and that was literally just non-existent this season (I mean, besides Lance and Allura). Keith and Shiro didn’t even hardly TALK to each other. It was so disappointing. And Krolia, wonderful Krolia had maybe one line? So sad. 
> 
> And THEN we get Lance and Allura together, which I still don’t really see, but it had its sweet moments. But all of Lance’s character development and strength literally went OUT THE WINDOW to play worried boyfriend the ENTIRE TIME. Sure, Allura had this great and wonderful season of knowledge and growth and power and dabbling with darkness so of course SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They killed her in the last ten minutes. So horrible.
> 
> AND what was with that epilogue? That was stupid. 
> 
> Okay, my rant is over. But if Voltron is gonna put Lance and Allura together, claim they’re madly in love, then make Allura sacrifice herself before doing a year-long time jump, you better believe I’m gonna write that angst we missed out on. So here it is.

000 

“Paladins!” Lance hears Coran shout over the comms. “Paladins, you’ve done it! You saved us! Honerva is gone!” His voice is jaunty, shaking with his disbelief and excitement.  

Pidge makes a small noise of distress over the line. Hunk chokes on a sob.  

“Paladins?” Coran finally asks, “Are you all alright? Do you need assistance getting back to the ship? Someone please respond, our video feed is down.” 

“We--,” Shiro begins, before taking a shuddering breath. “Come meet us at the hangar, Coran. Just a second let me--,” 

Time seems to blur and jump in front of Lance. When he cares to pay attention again, the Atlas is back and whole, hangar doors open for the lions to land.  

Only Red and Blue are left in open space.  

“C’mon, beautiful,” Lance whispers, swallowing thickly as he watches Blue follow him back into the Atlas.  

When Lance finally exits Red and joins the silent paladin huddle already formed in front of the lions, Coran walks into the hangar.  

The smile on his face is happy, bright and wide. He does a little half skip before walking even more quickly toward them.  

Then, Coran gets close enough to see their faces-- 

Hunk and Pidge’s blotchy cheeks, Shiro’s red eyes. Keith’s shaking shoulders.  

Lance’s blank, hollow stare.  

“Where is Allura?” Coran asks. Keith shakes his head. “No, you—where is she? Where—is she still in Blue? Does she need medical attention again? We should--,” 

“Coran.” Keith interrupts softly. The name still echoes hollowly, “Coran, she--,” 

“No.”  

“She saved us all--,” 

“ _No._ ” 

“She’s a hero, Coran--,” 

“Please, _no._ ” 

“She’s dead.” Lance says it simply, voice quiet, but carrying in the large space. “Allura is dead.” 

Coran falls to his knees, his horrible, harsh sobs stifled by the hands covering his face. Shiro and Hunk are on him in an instant, crouching down on either side of him, hands on his back, whispering quietly about how it was quick. It was her choice. She’s a hero.  

Beside Lance, Pidge leans up against Keith, burying her head into his chest as she cries. Keith rests his cheek on top of Pidge’s head and holds the smaller girl tightly, his own tears falling into her fluffy hair.  

“Was she—was it painful? W-was she in any pain?” Coran finally calms down enough to ask.  

“No,” Shiro responds firmly. “No, it happened so fast. There wasn’t any time for pain.” 

The words awaken something visceral in Lance’s chest. Because, for the first time that Lance can ever remember, Shiro is telling a lie. Takashi Shirogane has no fucking clue what it feels like to absorb the dark quintessence of eternity in order to save all realities in the known and unknown universe. It could have been pure agony. It could have lasted eons for Allura, trapped in some weird white pocket of quintessence outside of space and time, teaming up with their newest villain of the week Honerva to save a fucking existence that maybe wasn’t fucking worth it.  

And that goodbye—that goodbye was the most painful thing Lance has ever experienced. He can’t imagine how agonizing it must have been for Allura, attempting to make five final goodbyes in a row meaningful to each of them without losing it, without giving in to the inevitable fear.  

Shiro is lying to spare Coran pain.  

While Allura took on everyone’s pain to save—to save _everything._   

Lance’s knees buckle.  

“Lance!” He hears yelped around him, feels hands reaching for him, but Lance pushes them all away, before turning tail and sprinting to the one thing that makes sense.  

Blue puts up the particle barrier once Lance scrambles inside her cockpit. He’s not sure if he was hoping to find Allura’s body, but the absence of it in the pilot’s chair has bile creeping up his throat.  

Because she’s gone, she’s _gone_ , but there’s no proof. She could still be alive. She could still exist somewhere, some realm or reality or plane of existence that Voltron has yet to find.  

Lance could find her.  

Or maybe she didn’t even exist in the first place. Maybe Princess Allura of Altea was just the best of dreams, too good, too perfect and ethereal for the universe she inhabited. Too much for this reality to encompass.  

Lance’s knees give out again at that thought, and he falls gracelessly into the pilot’s chair.  

The seat is still warm.  

Lance takes a deep, shuddering breath through his nose, and all he smells is juniberries.  

Then he finally sobs.  

000 

“Lance,” a voice whispers by his face, as a slim hand shakes his shoulder. “Honey, we need to get you out of this armor.” 

“Nica?” Lance rasps, finally opening his eyes. He’s still in Blue’s cockpit, tucked awkwardly into the pilot’s chair. He’s in his armor, helmet even still firmly in place. And Allura is-- 

“Oh.” Lance whispers when he notices the dried tear tracks on his older sister’s face, the pity and pain and horrible worry in the blue eyes so like his own. Veronica gently slides the helmet off his head then rests her hand on his cheek, thumb clearing away his own tear tracks.  

“She’s dead. Veronica she—Allura's dead. Allura died. Nica I—oh my God, oh my God, Nica I can’t--no. No, no, no, she’s--Nica, she’s so stupid, she thought the whole universe, all the universes were more important than her but she was _wrong_. She’s so wrong, she’s so stupid, I wish she never—why'd she go on a date with me? Why’d she kiss me? She’s so mean, she told me she loved me, then she had to go and _die_ —who does that, Nica? Who does that? That’s just--,” 

Lance cuts off when Veronica wraps her arms around him, pulling his face to her neck and holding on tight.  

And Lance cries.  

“Just let it out, sweetheart. Let it all out.” Veronica doesn’t try to placate him with platitudes and sweet nothings. She just holds him tightly, and reminds him so much of their mother in that moment that Lance just cries harder.  

000 

Veronica grabs his hand, and time starts jumping again. By the time everything is clear, they’re in Lance’s room, and his sister is pulling a white t-shirt over his head. The armor and undersuit are already in piles on the floor, and he’s wearing gray sweatpants.  

“Nica?” Lance asks, when his sister grabs his hand again, trying to gently lead him over to bed.  

“You with me, kiddo?” Lance nods, and Veronica gives him a sad smile. “You should try to sleep, Lance, let’s--,” 

“Not here.” Lance says firmly, turning to the door.  

“Okay. Okay, where--,” 

Lance doesn’t respond. Just drags his sister out with him and down the hall, the trip short and achingly familiar.  

Allura’s bed is already occupied.  

For a moment, Lance’s breath catches in his chest. Then he actually looks and finds that the lump on the bed is not one person, but two people, and instead of lying flat on their backs like Allura prefers, they’re curled up in balls, one huddled protectively around the other.  

“Hello, Lance,” Colleen Holt whispers, hands still holding the sleeping Pidge tightly to her chest.  

Lance doesn’t ask. Just climbs on top of both of them to the other side of the bed and buries his face in Allura’s pillow.  

It smells like juniberries, too.  

000 

When Lance next wakes, Colleen is gone, and the still slumbering Pidge’s tiny arms grip like vices around his left arm.  

At the foot of the bed, Hunk has made a nest for himself out of blankets and pillows. And to Lance’s right is Keith, long hair flapping in his face with every sleeping breath, and gloved hand tight around Lance’s wrist.  

Lance goes back to sleep.  

000 

Lance is alone in the bed the next time he awakens.  

Shiro’s sitting in a chair beside him, looking at a pad in his lap.  

“Hey, buddy,” Shiro says quietly, once he looks up and notices Lance’s open eyes. “Here, drink this.” Lance sits up slowly, black spots dancing before his eyes as he takes the water pouch from Shiro with a shaking hand.  

He must’ve been asleep for a while.  

“Hunk, Pidge and Keith are with Coran. Romelle is, too. We’ve--we landed on Altea.” 

Lance hands the empty water pouch back to Shiro’s waiting hands. Shiro takes it and continues. “Coran wants to have services here for Allura. We—I know there isn’t a...she’s not here anymore, but it’s important. And the juniberries are in bloom, Coran says that was always her favorite season. We found a nice spot in one of the fields to--,” 

Shiro is rambling. And yesterday (two days ago?) Lance caught him lying. If Lance didn’t know better, he’d wonder if this Shiro was a clone as well.  

“She didn’t get to see it.” Lance whispers, and Shiro stops talking. “That’s--that’s really sad. Allura never got to go home again.” Lance lays back down on the bed and digs the heels of his hands into his eyes. Some of the tears still escape, trailing down his cheeks and into his hair and ears.  

“Lance,” Shiro chokes out, his tenuous hold on his composure finally breaking. Lance feels the bed dip, feels Shiro’s human hand start carding gently through his hair.  

“We all lost her Shiro. We all—she was our family. She gave us Voltron. But I just—it's like it hurts to move, Shiro. It hurts to breathe. I feel like I’m disappearing.” Lance’s voice breaks. 

“Because you were in love with her, Lance. And she was in love with you.” Shiro takes a shuddering breath, and Lance feels a soft hand at the corner of his eye, brushing away the tears. “And on the shittiest, worst, most horrible days out here, that love gave you hope for this bright and safe future together.  

“Now that hope’s been taken away. And that is the worst pain in the universe.”  

Lance takes his hands away from his eyes and scoots closer to Shiro, letting his head rest on Shiro’s leg before tugging Allura’s pillow from behind his head and hugging it to his chest.  

“She’s a hero.” 

“So is Adam.” 

“Not much of a consolation, is it?” 

“No. It’s not.” 

000 

Eventually, Lance gets out of Allura’s bed. He has another breakdown in the shower, after finally noticing the new marks under his eyes.  

He likes them, he decides. No matter what happens, he’ll have a piece of her, a reminder of her love every day.  

It still feels like a knife is digging into his chest every time he looks in a mirror now, though.  

He forgoes his uniform and puts on another pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Hunk is waiting for him when he arrives back in his room.  

“I brought you some food,” Hunk says, indicating the tray on his dresser. Lance just shakes his head, not giving the food a second glance.  

Hunk frowns. “You haven’t eaten in like three days, man. You gotta get something in you.”  

Lance shrugs. “I don’t think I’d keep anything down, honestly. Are we really on Altea?”  

Hunk’s eyes squint at the abrupt change of topic. “Yeah. Yeah, we have been for a while. Why?”  

“Let’s go outside.” 

Lance expects Hunk to protest. He expects his friend to demand he eat at least ten bites of whatever delicacy has been prepared under that tray. He expects-- 

“Okay. Grab a hoodie, it’s a little chilly.” 

Not that.  

But Hunk’s emotional intelligence is basically off the charts. Lance should’ve known he would understand.  

000 

They lay side by side in the juniberry field. The smell is intoxicating, nearly overwhelming in its sweetness.  

Lance never wants to leave.  

He and Hunk lay there and smell the flowers, watch the clouds and the bright blue sky slowly fading to violet and say nothing.  

After a while, Keith lays down on Lance’s other side. Then Pidge comes along. Then Shiro, and finally Coran joins their silent line of bodies in the juniberry field.  

By then, they are watching the endless stars spread across the sky.  

“’Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.’” Pidge says it abruptly, her voice loud in their hours of silence. It sounds like a prayer, coming from Pidge’s lips; the reminder of it has Lance adding-- 

“Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.” 

There are a few murmured “Amens” that follow.  

“’Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones shines down to let us know they are happy.’” Hunk quotes, and Lance bites back a sob.  

Keith must hear it. He reaches over and grips Lance’s hand.  

 The night grows cold and dark. One by one, each of them silently leave the field, until only Lance and Coran remain.  

“There were fireworks on the day she was born.” Coran says suddenly. Lance turns his head to look at the man now lying beside him. “Alfor ran about the castle, rushing from room to room to tell everyone that their princess had been born. I think that was the happiest I ever saw him. 

“I remember holding her the first time. Oh, but she was tiny. So, so tiny. I was so afraid I’d just break her, or drop her, you know how clumsy I can be, but Melenor insisted. She said her daughter was much, much stronger than I realized.  

“She was right, of course." 

Coran takes a deep breath.  

“I always knew there was a chance Allura would become involved with one of you. It seemed inevitable, how closely you all bonded, the nature of Voltron and the castle. And, of course, the five of you are such lovely and accomplished people, how could she not....” Coran trails off.  

“I must confess, I am glad it was you, Lance.”  

Lance startles at that.  

“Why?”  

“Because you love so unconditionally, my boy. Your love is so free and uncomplicated and strong. And I am glad--,” Coran says haltingly, “I am so glad Allura experienced such a love in her life.” 

“She loved you, Coran. She wanted you to know, she wanted me to tell you that she loved you so, so much. She wanted me to thank you for taking care of her, for being her family through everything.” Is it a lie, really, if Lance knows Allura would’ve wanted the words to be said? Maybe she never explicitly said it that final moment, but Coran needs to hear them. And every single word Lance has spoken is true.  

Perhaps Lance understands Shiro a bit better than he thought.  

Coran wipes a tired hand over his face, brushing away the tears.  

“Thank you, Lance.” They lay in silence once again, neither moving to get up or go inside like the others. Over the mountains, Lance can see the first rays of the orange sunrise.  

“We should have fireworks at the services tomorrow. Celebrate her life the way you celebrated the day she was born. I think she’d like that.” 

Lance can hear the slight smile in Coran’s voice, can see it, too, when the sun finally peeks out from behind the mountains and bathes them both in brilliant light.  

“Yes. I think she’d like that.”  

One of the juniberry flowers falls from its stem onto Lance’s shirt. He puts the flower behind his ear, looks at Coran, and smiles back. 

**Author's Note:**

> *sobs* sorry guys. I had a lot of feelings, even if I didn't want them.


End file.
